Signs Your Cat Has A Personality Disorder

• Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it!

• You've repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.

• Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.

• Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.

• No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again....

• Continually scratches on the door to get in.... the OVEN door.

• Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.

• Rides in your car with its head out the window.

• She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.

• You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D  T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

• Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty "9 Lives" cans.

• Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.

• After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.

• Sullen and overweight, your sunglasses-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .44 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.

• Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.

• Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.

(Author unknown....)

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